


let's be lucky people, you and me

by casualmarches



Category: Waterparks (Band)
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Domestic Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Light Angst, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Suicidal Thoughts, basically awsten just loves geoff, but he manages eventually, he has some trouble saying it, i swear it's not that angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-14
Updated: 2018-07-14
Packaged: 2019-06-10 03:41:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15282792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/casualmarches/pseuds/casualmarches
Summary: Awsten has never been good at expressing his feelings. It just.. terrifies him. He loves Geoff, that’s not the issue. He loves him more than he has ever loved anyone before, and that’s the issue. If he said what he felt, he would be making himself incredibly vulnerable. He would basically be holding up a sign that says, “Hey, hurt me!”-the five times awsten found other ways to say he loves geoff, and the one time he actually does





	let's be lucky people, you and me

**Author's Note:**

> okay, so. i'm a slut for gawsten
> 
> this was inspired by that popular tumblr post, the one that shows a hundred different ways to say i love you. i don't have a link but it's been reposted everywhere so i mean
> 
> there are two sad scenes - the first one has some depression/suicidal themes, and the second has anxiety and a freaked out geoff. just a warning if that's a trigger for anybody, the rest is just pure indulgent fluff
> 
> please love me thank u

It occurs to him a month or two into whatever this is, their weird mutual kiss-and-hold-hands thing.

He realizes in the middle of his cereal that he and Geoff have never said I love you to each other.

That’s not bad, necessarily. Awsten knows life isn’t a romantic chick flick and you don’t say I love you three seconds after meeting someone. That shit takes time. But.. when should he?

And _that_ thought makes him fall down a really, really big rabbit hole.

Awsten has never been good at expressing his feelings. He’s okay with songs, maybe, those can be open to interpretation and he can easily change the meaning, but when it comes to actually talking about things? He’s already out the door, thank you very much. It just.. terrifies him. He loves Geoff, that’s not the issue. He loves him more than he has ever loved anyone before, and that’s the issue. If he said what he felt, he would be making himself incredibly vulnerable. He would basically be holding up a sign that says, “Hey, hurt me!”

So, he concludes while trying to fish the last marshmallow out of his Lucky Charms, he’s fucked.

-

_Stay safe, alright? Text me when you get there._

Awsten is currently gnawing on his fingernail, pacing back and forth with his phone to his ear. “It’s raining really bad, you shouldn’t - ”

“Babe - ”

“Call a fucking, I don’t know, Uber?”

“Aws - ”

“Or just wait it out - ”

“Awsten!”  
  
He stops. Geoff sounds nearly amused. “I promise you it’s okay. I can drive the rest of the way, it’s even clearing up a little.”

“It’s dangerous!”

They then proceed to have a very pointed game of who can emit enough fuck you vibes in absolute silence. Awsten eventually gives up and sighs.

“Okay, okay, fine. But stay safe, alright? Text me when you get there.”

He can hear the smile in Geoff’s voice. “Of course.”

- 

_Seeing you makes me happy._

Sometimes, Awsten wakes up on top of the world. He can be productive for hours on end. He’s an unstoppable force, able to take on anyone and anything.

Other days, it all slows down.

Today is one of those days.

His head is throbbing. There’s a dull ache behind his eyes and a heavy feeling in his chest. He’s been laying in bed for hours, curled into a small ball that he’s not sure he’s ever going to move from. It just _hurts,_ this sadness. It’s like there’s a tremendous weight on his shoulders, and he’s about to fall and break into a million tiny pieces.

Thoughts race around his mind, persistent and never ending. _You’re not good enough. You’re just a fuck-up. Everyone hates you, anyway. Why are you still here?_

Awsten feels like crying. Like going to sleep and not waking up. Like finding the nearest cliff and throwing himself off it. He’s tired. So, so tired.

He doesn’t react when he hears the door open. It’s probably just someone making sure he’s still alive.

It’s Geoff.

“Hey, baby,” he says softly, carefully sitting down next to Awsten, “Otto texted me. I’m sorry I wasn't here sooner.”

Awsten doesn’t reply. He doesn’t know what to say. He hates that he dragged Geoff out here and he hates that this even has to happen. He’s a grown fucking man, for Christ’s sake. He needs to take care of himself. He doesn’t need someone rushing to his side because he gets this way sometimes.

Geoff can sense what he’s feeling. “Is it okay if I hold you?”

A quick beat. Awsten nods almost imperceptibly.

He feels arms being gently wrapped around him, moving him so his head is burrowed in Geoff’s chest. He can hear his heartbeat, steady and constant. It’s comforting, in a way.

“I’m sorry I can’t do much,” Geoff says, rubbing small circles on Awsten’s back. “and I’m sorry you’re not happy right now. You deserve it, Aws. You deserve to be happy.”

Awsten blinks away a few tears. He wants to believe that. He wants to believe he does.

Instead, he manages to lift his head up and connect his lips to Geoff’s briefly. “Seeing you makes me happy.”

-

_Can I kiss you?_

Awsten has a variety of hobbies. He likes annoying people, hitting people with pillows when they least expect it, tweeting stupid shit to confuse his followers, and his favorite - staring at Geoff.

(Yes, he might be a stalker. No, he doesn’t care.)

They’ve been watching Netflix for the past hour or so. Geoff’s really into whatever movie he chose, and Awsten’s really into his face.

It’s _pretty,_ okay? He has, like, these really nice blue eyes that always seem to sparkle, a hell of a jawline, and the dim light of the room is highlighting his features even more. Okay, that might just be the gay in Awsten making its appearance, but his point still stands.

Geoff eventually notices. He looks at Awsten and raises an eyebrow. “Can I ask why you’re staring at me like I just fell from the sky?”

“No.”

“Alright.” He turns back to the screen. After a second of him pretending to be oblivious, he huffs out a laugh, giving up and pushing Awsten away slightly. “Seriously, why are you staring?”

Awsten doesn’t answer. He wants to say something smooth like _I like looking at pretty things_ and totally be a badass but all he can focus on is how much he wants to kiss Geoff right now.

“Can I kiss you?” He asks. He doesn’t usually ask since Geoff is always open for it, but it seems appropriate right now, and really cheesy.

Geoff smiles. “No, but I’ll kiss you." 

-

_I believe in you._

They all get nervous before shows. No matter how many they play, no matter how many times it goes well, there’s always the fear that everything will go terribly.

But this is new.

They’re in the dressing room, and Geoff is shaking uncontrollably. He won’t stop and he’s struggling to breathe, like there’s not enough oxygen in the room. He looks _scared_ , in a way Awsten hasn’t seen before.

“Baby, breathe.” He repeats over and over, bringing him close because he’s not sure what else to do. “It’s okay, you’re okay. Just breathe.”

“I can’t,” Geoff chokes out, “I can’t. I-I’m going to fail tonight, I’ll m-mess up and ruin e-everything, Aws, I know - ”

Fuck. He immediately gets it.

“You are not.” Awsten says firmly.

“I - ”

“I promise, Geoff. Just breathe. Follow me. In and out. In and out.”

It’s quiet for a few minutes, except for the labored breathing and the hushed whispers of reassurance from Awsten. Geoff manages to get himself back together, but he’s still trembling.

“I'm sorry,” he says weakly, grasping at his hand. Awsten shakes his head.

“You have nothing to apologize for. You’re going to go out there tonight and do great, like you always do." Trying to make Geoff laugh, he adds, “I’ll be better, obviously, but - ”

It works. He laughs through his sniffles, but it’s a laugh nonetheless. “God, thank you. I didn’t mean.. I just got so worked up, and I..”

“It’s okay.” Awsten says again. He kisses Geoff on the cheek, smiling as he sees him turn pink. “I believe in you, always.”

-

_Take my jacket._

Geoff absolutely cannot stand inconveniencing people. He will apologize for days if he accidentally runs into you or even slightly brushes against your shoulder. It’s endearing at times, but at others, it makes Awsten want to kick Geoff directly in the shins.

Like right now, for example.

They’re staying in the city they played in the night before for another day, prompting them to wander around the streets. It really wasn’t a good idea in retrospect. It’s fucking _cold._

And Geoff forgot his jacket. Go figure.

He’s clearly cold, stuffing his hands in his pockets - which is an admirable feat, considering the fact that all he wears is skinny jeans with nonexistent pocket space - but he refuses to acknowledge that he is.

“I can see you shivering.” Awsten points out as they scope out the area for a place to duck into.

“No, you can’t.”

“Your teeth are literally chattering.”

“That’s normal.”

“Is it normal to have frost growing out of your ears?”

He snickers when Geoff checks his ears, but goes back to the main point. “I’ll give you my jacket, come on - ”

“I’m fine, really - “

“Geoff fucking Wigington, you are about to get frostbite - ”

“It’s just a little chilly, that’s it - “

Awsten’s already shrugging off his jacket despite the protests. A burst of cold air hits him, and holy shit, how has Geoff not dropped dead yet? “Take my jacket.”

“I’m not letting you do that - ”

“Was I asking for a yes? Take my jacket, you fuck, before I force it over your head.”

Geoff reluctantly takes it, but he almost melts when he puts it on, wrapping it around his frame. “You don’t have to - ”

“No, but I am an amazing, generous person who does not want a dead boyfriend. I’m not into that. Come on, let’s get back to the bus before they decide to floor it.”

And he won’t admit it until the day he dies, but Awsten is freezing the entire way back to the bus. He’s pretty sure his fingers have turned into icicles, but he laces them with Geoff’s, so it’s okay.

-

So yeah, Awsten’s a little bitch when he wants to say I love you. But he’s been planning. He wants to say it so badly. He _needs_ to let Geoff know just how much he loves him, but it has to be perfect. He can’t confess while they’re fucking eating Taco Bell or something, okay, that’s just weird. He plans and schemes and goes on Pinterest for date ideas because he is a white soccer mom at heart, and thinks he has it down.

It doesn’t work out.

Love creeps up on him at the weirdest times. When he sees Geoff loudly celebrating a win against Otto in Mario Kart, or when he’s sleeping cuddled up next to Awsten, or when he’s practically flying around the stage with his guitar, something warm and fond settles in his chest. The knowledge that this boy is _his_. Awsten somehow got lucky enough to date his best friend. He doesn’t know what the fuck he did in a past life to deserve this, but hey, he’s not going to question it.

Geoff’s jumping around the room, blasting some pop song Awsten forgets the name of, because he’s on one of his energy boosts that he gets sometimes. He looks radiant, almost, smiling so brightly the sun should be jealous.

“Dance with me!” Geoff demands suddenly.

“Wait, what - ” Awsten gets cut off because he’s being dragged up and twirled around like a fucking Disney princess. Geoff grins when he’s facing him again.

“Come on!”

“I can’t fuckin’ dance - ”

“Neither can I,” he says, “but who’s stopping us?”

And he’s a dork, a stupid ball of sunshine who wormed his way into Awsten’s life without him noticing -

And he’s why he can’t help but blurt it out.

“I love you.”

Shit.

Geoff stops. He obviously wasn’t expecting that as a response, and he looks a bit flabbergasted. But then he smiles, even bigger this time. Without hesitating, he grabs Awsten by his shirt and kisses him.

Awsten will never stop getting dizzy when Geoff kisses him. It’s a rush, a reminder that this is real and he has it in his hands.

“I love you too.”


End file.
